I have been through many tidel waves in my life and as an artist I have always felt the ebbs and flows really flame my inner passion for creation and the ability to express my feelings through beautiful outlets. Lately with Freeravin I have been feeling a sense of forced nature reach my heart, like making a new design comes from a feeling in my head rather then my heart, and nothing can be created with true appeal if it’s forced. That’s my outlook. So dropping all materials and taking a step back, like an over view of what’s really going on with my life I begin to ask myself, what do I need to do for me, to create a fire of inspiration and a true passion of love to come from with in, what changes or practices do I need to incorporate into my life?
evaluation: My Environment seems to be one of dryness as of now, I do know that I see the world with my own eyes and I have the ability to change my perspective on anything if I choose but I also know that every location on this earth has an energy and a vibration that it contributes to what is around it, and I feel a dry sense of stillness coming from the land around me. I noticed this when I traveled west to Northern California and stayed with my girlfriend in Sebastopol, the earth around us screamed fertile love, abundance of blossoms, nurturing air and buzzing honey bee’s inspiring with their sense of pollinating purpose. This was a beautiful feeling and sight for me to absorb. I felt the leaves singing songs of joy at night and the stars filling my soul with happiness and a still peace that I rested in while I slept. I woke to the smell of Jasmine and the sun kissing my face with a gentle breeze that moved my curls on the pillow. This gentle, nurturing environment was one I could see myself living in for a long time, its peaceful beauty and abundance of fertility will constantly lift me up. The year round seasons wouldn’t keep me inside and the beautiful ocean will fill me with a sense of deep breath and inner peace.
When I returned home I felt like my eyes had changed, like I began to look at the environment around me and I felt a dry stillness that gave nothing back to my soul, only took parts of me with strong winds, harsh temperatures and no blooms as far as the eyes could see. I began to search the one local grocery store for a bloom to put in my home and none to be found. I love the chirping of the beautiful birds I feed in my back yard and the abundance of wildlife I watch as I drive down the roads but all seem to be traversing over this dry, harsh landscape that puts me in a state of survival rather than a relaxing state of being nurtured.
Company: I am surrounded by a few gems that live their life with a sense of love and purpose, they walk the walk they speak of and support me with a beauty that I cherish. I love my friends in Fairplay but they have lives of their own with families and children and husbands leaving a single woman like myself alone most evening wishing I was in a class igniting the knowledge yet awakened inside of me. I long for a dance partner to just play with and be silly as we pull Tarot cards and read ruins. Paint on one another and dance under the moon light without care in the world other than experiencing oneself. This kind of freeing company seems to be eluding my presence in my current town.
So I ask myself this, with three months in front of me until I embark on a spiritual journey to become a massage therapist I ask myself, what do I want the next three months to look like? What do I want to experience? How can I rejuvenate my heart, soul and sense of inner creativity to give Freeravin Designs the amazing boost I can feel it needs right now?
Hydra is an Island in Greece that has great meaning to my family and has nourished the spirits and hearts of artists for years. It is a place where the creative ones join forces in the summer to sketch on the cliffs above the ocean and run naked under the moon light feeling the bliss of just being. It is the land where amethyst crystals grown from the earth and the opinions of strangely minded people are plentiful. Another beautiful aspect is that it is filled with close family friends and places I may be able to stay for a month or two while I study, work and feel what it feels like to be myself again. To regain the free spirit of the beautiful Goddess I am that I seem to have lost somewhere on the path I just chose to exit. It seems this place may be the one island in this world that could hold me in it’s blooming beauty while I sweep up the pieces of myself that have chipped off.
Just a thought.
I leave to go sit now on a silent retreat in Barre, MA. at a place called Insight Meditation Society where I will enter the retreat “Waking up to the Peace in our Hearts,” sitting in silence for ten days always clears my mind and lends me to great amounts of inner clarity and manifestation powers that I usually have at the tip of my finger. Lately I have felt the lack of my inner magic, and it saddens my heart but I also know that after this retreat it will be back in full force.
So I bid you all a good-bye for a little bit as I leave my electronics behind, and I enter into myself with meta and magic. The answer of the next phase of my life will arrive at my doorstep when ready and I know this always, whan I ask the universe to help me with what I want, it always delivers! So dear universe,
I would love to feel my magic again, to feel inspired and full of a passionate fire that lifts my heart to the moon, I would love to feel centered and in the middle of a ball of love that rolls me around allowing me to fall softly right onto what my heart longs to learn and my soul craves to grown into. In love and Light,