After arriving at my destination, the Ithaca Zen Center also known as Body Mind Restoration Retreats during the summer I have found my heart to be back at home. My feet landed on the ground and I was surrounded by smiling faces and beautiful embraces, feeling like I had never left as the friends I have made here are my true friends, friends of the Dharma and of giving and recieving love.
The land has growna and so have the flowers, the peacocks wander the property and kiss one another showing yet another mirror of what alive beings are capable of. It’s a blessing to be here once again and experince myself as the new woman I have become. I have new eyes since I have been here last, I have grown into a woman it seems and I feel like I have evolved and learned new sense of wisdom that beam from my eyes. The last time I served here I felt like a scared child trying to feel at home, now the sense of being home is a natural one, one with out effort.
My friends that spent summers with me 5 years ago here now are married and here with their wives and new bornes, they are all settling down and finding the true meaning of their hearts fullfilling their lives with the sense of love that is most important to them and to be around such beautiful beings in a new phase of their lives in enriching my very own soul with a sense of what I want for myself.
I have found myself crying, feeling a release come and go from small symbols of things that bring about healing. Like I feel so safe here, so held that what ever comes up for me can just be released and let go of, fully integrated rather then be held in and continued on a cycly of inertia to have a cord struck again. Things are leaving me that I have held in for years and I feel a sense of lightness after each tear runs down my cheek. There is a safeness here to be yourself and be fully open at the same time, that is a feeling that I have yet to experience outside the realms of body mind. The monk that runs the retreats holds us all in his big bodhisattva arms and teaches us the art of letting go and relaxing into our own skin with love and gratitude. Not caring about the little unimportant things but focusing on evolution and love, allowing the ego evolve from a large boulder, slowly turning into the smallest grain of sand.
I am happy, resting in a sp[ace of letting go and just being in the rythm of work and serving allowing my mind to be present, as really there is nothing more to think about or ponder then this very moment, and the inner flow of my heart.